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Finding Valentine’s Day in a Babymoon!

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It’s an amazing thought that trying to conceive a baby can be a romance wrecker. But one of the saddest side effects of trying to conceive a baby is when it takes longer than a few months. The pressure can mount, and it can feel like the uncertainty of it all can take the romance out of everything including your bedroom.

Valentine’s Day meant nothing to me. If anything, it was annoying and hurtful. It reminded me of what was drying up in my life. But it doesn’t have to be like that – even if you are going through a hard time in the bedroom with the uncertainty of baby-making or the threat of infertility hanging over your head like a neon sign.

This Valentine’s Day, why not try something new and fresh? How about ditching the chocolates and opting instead for some real intimacy with your partner? By allowing yourself to be truly seen by your partner, you can achieve a level of intimacy that you may never have felt before.

Look, I know what I am talking about here. Trying to conceive a baby almost wrecked my romantic life with my husband until I decided that I was going to confront it, and that was when I discovered the “The Babymoon”.

valintines-day-baby-boomRules for a Babymoon:

  1. Go away.
  2. If you can’t go away, then clear the house of any visitors, family or small pets! Turn off the computers and phones. And then, invite your beloved into a conversation. Make sure that you have lots of time, and lots of privacy. You and your partner are worthy of connection.
  3. Do small intimate things together like giving each other hand and foot massages. Take the focus off of love-making for a change.
  4. Play together! Do the stuff that you used to do before the “having a baby bug” hit you on the nose! Think back! What were the fun things? If you managed to go away for your “Babymoon”,
 try some new things together. A new place to eat.  A new place to walk. Hold hands. Buy an ice cream sundae and get whipped cream on your face.
  5. Ask your partner to share something about himself that you might not know. If you are feeling courageous you might start by sharing. Try to extend yourself. If the sharing makes you feel vulnerable, you are on the right track.
  6. When your partner shares, offer your hands and your eyes. Touch offers reassurance. Let each other know that what you are sharing is OK and welcome.
  7. Discuss what each other has shared. Maybe you even learned something fun and sexy!

Use your “Babymoon” to truly feel like you are being your authentic sexy self with your partner. You can welcome back into your lives all kinds of delightful moments. By taking the time to just be with each other with no agenda, you might develop a new level of compassion, friendliness, and playfulness for each other. And you may find a new level of hotness in your bedroom – even while struggling to make a baby! Valentine’s might even re-appear!

Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen - Fertility Advocate Pamela Madsen was the first Executive Director of RESOLVE NYC and is the Founder of The American Fertility Association. Pamela is an internationally known fertility advocate who has appeared on Oprah and countless other major media outlets. Currently, Pamela is a fertility coach and publisher of The Fertility Advocate. She is also a blogger for Psychology Today and SpermCheck Fertility.